Ludibrium
by Novocain
Summary: REVAMPED AND REWRITTEN AS OF 4.22.09 "They will never give in to it, of course. The Merciful Goddess knows this, and se is freaking ephemeral, so se is obviously right." Se never thought it would go so far. Maybe Shangri-la is screwed.


_ludibrium (loo - dih - bree - um)_

_an object of fun, scorn, and derision that is at the same time the game of importance itself_

_.  
_

. ... .

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Kanzeon Bosatsu watches them, the Sanzo party. Se picked them on a whim. Se picked the saviors of Shangri-la for _entertainment_.

After a while, it isn't so entertaining.

The four of them are all incredibly stubborn, amusing men, of course. They always have been, whether they remember it or not.

But in this lifetime -

Well, in this lifetime Goku isn't a child. Konzen is no longer a god. The hilariously contrasting forces of nature that have always made hir smirk no longer have the strictures and blinders that Goku's childhood had given it.

They will never succumb to it, of course. The Merciful Goddess knows this, and se is fucking ephemeral, so se is obviously right.

It is when they do give in that it stops being entertaining.

The Kannon watches the first kiss become the last. Here is how it goes: Goku and Konzen are alone in an inn. ("Perhaps," Hakkai murmurs politely with a creepy eye-smile, "you wouldn't mind assisting me with the grocery shopping, Goyjo?") Inevitably, they begin arguing. ("Hell, Sanzo, ya think ya could stop frickin' hitting me with the damn harisen?! I'm just tryin' to get comfy!" "Shut up or die.") Goku won't leave well enough alone. ("Yeah, you always yammer 'bout that. And you always miss.") Konzen slams Goku against a wall in a smooth twist of muscle and momentum, pinning him with a forearm to the throat. (The pissed off man hisses, "Listen, bakasa - ".) Goku kisses him. (Someones breath hitches, but neither man notices and the bodhisattva can't figure out whose it was.) Konzen growls almost silently and kisses him back.

It is the end of a lot of things, the least of which is hir entertainment. So much bullshit over one little peck. Okay, a fuck. A really, really hot, rough fuck that has Jiroushin-kun sputtering incoherently in indignation and embarrassment beside hir chair the entire time se observes through the lily pond.

Kanzeon watches the bond between the two men be ignored and severed by Konzen immediately after. If hir nephew were still divine, he would be the raw embodiment of silence, chain-smoking, and total emotional detachment. Se is almost impressed with the thoroughness of it, actually. It seems to dwarf the length of Shangri-la. Even eye contact is blocked with an ever-present newspaper.

This: Konzen has destroyed his bond with Goku, and Kanzeon, goddess that se is, cannot undo it. (Se remembers - only in a flash, only for a second because se's a fucking goddess and se has infinite skills and powers and little nuggets of truth and _se can stop remembering, se tells hirself_ - watching the skinny, street-rat looking Sage demand Konzen's regard for the first time, despite desecrating Heaven's halls just by standing there. And the faint clink of chains - )

The actual painful (and se is amused at such human emotion in hirself) part, besides the new emptiness of all hopes se had had for hir nephew's soul and happiness, is the death of Goku. Not literally, of course – the Great Sage Equal to Heaven is too strong for anyone to kill him.

But the bakasaru no longer exists.

As a goddess, Kanzeon Bosatsu knows that it is impossible to die of a broken heart, but se also knows very well that it is quite possible to permanently dismiss emotion.

That is what Goku does. As stubborn and resilient as he has always been, the forceful destruction of a centuries-old bond isn't something even he is allowed to bounce back from.

An inconsequential result: There are no more food fights. Goyjo is virtually ignored by the Monkey King at all times. When the half-kappa gets overly persistent, Goku knocks him out too quickly for Gojyo to react. And another: He no longer whines about his perpetual hunger. In fact, he rarely speaks at all.

(_And you always thought you'd be a crap teacher, dear nephew. Depends on how you measure success, really, _se thinks with distance and irony three weeks into it_._)

With the metaphorical throat-slitting of the bakasaru and birth of the Monkey King, the tense silence in Jeep reigns without challenge.

No entertainment.

No life.

Goku truly _bears_ the title of the Monkey King now. It seems that all that has been needed to turn the hyper brat into the dangerous, cold asshole a warrior is expected to be is the loss of his Sanzo. In fact, after the first month it gets to be that the only way Kanzeon can tell the Sage hasn't taken off his limiter during battles is his human appearance and the continued survival of his companions.

Kanzeon has never wanted to see it. Se has truly never thought se _would_ see it. Se is bored and pissed off. Fuck godhood - this sucks, and there is no possible way se can help make it stop sucking.

Se is a watcher.

Se stops watching.

-

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A/N: First Saiyuki fic! Not a happy one, obviously. Don't get me wrong; I adore Sanzo/Goku. I just don't think that it is very often realistic. This may not be either, but I think that it is easier to harden than to soften. What do you think?

The title refers to how Kanzeon Bosatsu gets hir jollies off watching the Sanzo party nearly die multiple times - it's all fun and games until someone loses their personality.

**EDIT **4.22.09: Soooo. Yeah. I really hated this story. I haven't even looked at it in years. At the moment I'm deleting a few of my old, shitty stories, and this one is included in their number - or was to be until last night. With the mouse on the DELETE STORY button, I decided to click on LIVE PREVIEW instead and read it for nostalgia's sake.

Holy bejeezus was it horrible. I - God, it scarred me. It honestly makes me a little suicidal that I was ever that cheesy and limited and unskilled. I had to revamp it just to prove a point to myself. I changed the tense of the entire thing, embroidered, replaced some really trite wording, etc. I'd appreciate new opinions on it. If it blows at all, then tell me. I will honestly take it down. This has become a matter of pride.


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